How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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