Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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