the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
