omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
