What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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