Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
