I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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