now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
