I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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