Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
