hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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