i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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