You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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