Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Small penises have feelings too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
