the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Shame - the story of my life.
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