When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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