Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
