theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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