I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
