I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
