it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
