That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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