Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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