I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
