Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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