Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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