I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
