1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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