Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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