i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
