is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
how drunk are you?
Several
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
