the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
