yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
