I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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