Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
I swear to God if you start calling your dick âmy pegasusâ weâre not friends anymore
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