How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
