Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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