All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
