you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
