Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
