It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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