I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
