Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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