I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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