I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She even gives head with a lisp.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
