we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
