just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I would fuck him just for his dog
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