Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
