ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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