READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
