the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
