this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
